Dear Pioneer DJM-T1 Mixer,
From the first moment I saw you, I knew we would be together forever. How I have stayed awake sleepless nights, tossing and turning in my bed with unrequited passion, longing for someone just like you – someone with firm construction, someone who understands my deepest desires, someone with just the right balance of sexiness and functionality.
I yearn to touch you, to caress your buttons, and to handle playfully your tight faders beneath my limber fingertips. They say your crossfader can be used more than 10 million times. That’s good, because we are going to go all night long.
When it comes to DJing, I’m a polygamist. One piece of gear just can’t satisfy my appetite. But you’re the same way! You’ve got my other tender love Traktor Pro 2 built into your system with a soundcard to match. No more messy ties and frayed relationships. Plug and play. I’m taking my turntables and going straight in, no boxes, no wires, no protection.
What’s more is that you understand the man I’ve become. Yes, I still want two channels to scratch you in all the right places. However I’ve grown. I need to browse, load, and unload with the tenacity of a cheetah. I need to autoloop in order to maintain those special moments we share together. I need to sync for those times in my life when I am uncertain and you’re the only one who can put me back on track. I need an easy jump to internal mode for when my needle gets dusty. And you’ve got it all right there for me. It’s as if we have one mind.
Like, what am I thinking right now, DJM-T1? You’ve got it! Samples, those little tokens of our affection for one another. You’re truly my dream for Traktor’s voluptuous sample decks. No extra controllers, no extra wires or hubs to get in the way of our passion. I touch you, and you respond immediately. You call to me with sound so sweet, it could only have otherwise come from whispering angels playing xylephones.
How do you do it? Do you go to the gym to tone your figure? Are you on a low-carb diet? Jazzercise? Whatever it is, don’t change, baby. You’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you different. The way your fx panels effortlessly sit next to your EQ knobs takes my breath away. I’m going to Beatmash you all the way to Mulholland Drive. You’ve even got frontside Aux In for easy access! And I will access. I’m going to plug into you with all kinds of equipment.
Hey, don’t get the wrong idea, DJM-T1. I’m not here to wham bam thank you NAMM. I’m in it for the long haul. I want us to grow old together. I want to take you home and introduce you to my parents. Let’s make musical babies together! I want to share our connection with the world. Don’t be surprised if people leave their old mixers in droves. I for one know my friends are going to be jealous when they see my new gal.
Thinking of you always.
XOXO,
Shiftee
